If you're the kind of bloke that doesn't think he needs to be present at the baby scans – I'm not sure anything I write will change your mind. If you haven't taken the time to think about how amazing it might be to see your offspring for the first time and you don't think your partner needs support or would like to share the experience with you...then you may well be better off at work, down the pub or playing sport.
For those of you excited by the idea of going to the scan, here's a quick summary of what you can expect based on my experience accompanying my wife to the Royal Sussex.
I'm sure you're already aware of the parking situation at the RS and, yes, it is bad. I've heard anecdotes from staff, patients and visitors that the hospital car park is often full by 8am, leaving little chance for casual visitors to be able to park (let alone nervous parents-to-be dashing to the hospital while labour begins).
For the 12-week scan, I decided to drive around the hospital to get my bearings and check out the roads nearby. Sure enough, there are plenty of spaces with parking meters within easy walking distance (easy while your partner is early on in her pregnancy, of course, but who knows what may happen once she's in labour – I intend to write a separate blog based on that experience once it has happened).
Unlike other departments at the Royal Sussex, the scan dept is very close to the main entrance on Eastern Road – a quick right turn, through a door and you're there. We had to wait about 10-15 minutes after our appointment time, which wasn't too bad (I have heard tales of 2hrs+ delays in London). During that time we were approached by a woman wanting to know if we would be interested in our baby's umbilical cord blood being tested and then our baby itself being tested a few months later for an asthma survey. As I suffer with asthma myself, we agreed to help the medical community with their research.
The Royal Sussex offered us a combined blood test and nuchal fold test at our 12-week scan, which is simply a measurement taken of the amount of fluid behind the neck of the baby (fetus). It's not at all uncomfortable for the Mum and you are usually given an indication of whether anything looks abnormal immediately.
At the 12-week scan you really get to see the baby clearly on the monitor, better than at the 20-week scan in my opinion. As it is still so tiny, you can really see it in its entirety, floating and dancing around and it is a magical experience.
The Royal Sussex staff were efficient and functional rather than friendly, maybe this is because scanning is so routine for them. Also, they probably want to be professional rather than chummy – if they were overly friendly, it might make bad news more difficult to give and receive. Not all parents-to-be are polite and friendly, too, as we saw clearly with an expectant mum in the waiting area who was swearing and stuffing a bag of Quavers and then a Mars bar in her toddler's mouth. It was 8.45am.
Same deal at the 20-week scan. Minor parking problems followed by efficient staff. This time we had decided to find out the gender of our baby. Dads, if this is what you decide to do, make sure you are prepared for the news. When we found out we were expecting a girl, I immediately began calling the blob on the monitor “he” and “him” – which was funny. I'm actually looking forward to having a girl, but for some Dads this news could be disappointing or shocking and you will have another 4-5months of pregnancy to live with it before the baby even arrives so make sure you are emotionally well-prepared.
The scans themselves are fun (as long as you are receiving good news) and not uncomfortable for your partner. The gel might feel a bit weird at first, I guess, but most women seem to be so used to covering themselves in various moisturisers and unguents that they probably won't bat an eyelid. When you first see your baby, expect a surge of joy at the realisation that your baby is not just a blue line on a stick but an actual living being with a tiny heartbeat!
One thing to be aware of is that even if there aren't delays to your original appointment, the baby may not be in a great position for the scanning staff to carry out their work properly. If this is the case, your partner may well be asked to get up and walk around for 15 minutes, up and down stairs, stand on her head etc. I've heard tales of some women having to do this a few times to get the baby in a scan-friendly position. In short, it might be worth booking a morning, afternoon or the whole day off work, to be on the safe side and save you stressing out if it looks as though you're gonna be late for work.
My main advice for parents who are to attend the 12-week scan of their growing baby is to talk a few things over first. Think about how you will feel and react if you receive some bad news from your scan. It was only on the way to the Royal Sussex that my wife and I had the chat about Down's Syndrome and other illnesses and what we would do if the scan showed something ominous. I feel I have to be honest here, and my first response to any potential news would have been that I didn't want it – that was not the life I had envisaged for myself. I recognise this is a selfish response but I honestly hadn't given it much thought and presumed that my wife would feel the same way.
She didn't.
This could have been a massive problem for us but the scans to date show that everything looks ok so we were always one step removed from bringing it to a head. That said, we did continue to discuss what might happen, just in case. Once we both saw the baby on the scan, wriggling and alive, there was no way either of us could have seriously contemplated any other outcome than raising that child. Both our minds were made up – we would have had the baby unless it was obvious that its quality of life would be seriously impaired.
That isn't to say we made the right choice or wrong choice, we just decided what was best for us. Whatever you decide, try and make sure you are both singing from the same hymn sheet before the first scan. Just in case.
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