Scans at the Royal Sussex County Hospital

If you're the kind of bloke that doesn't think he needs to be present at the baby scans – I'm not sure anything I write will change your mind. If you haven't taken the time to think about how amazing it might be to see your offspring for the first time and you don't think your partner needs support or would like to share the experience with you...then you may well be better off at work, down the pub or playing sport.

For those of you excited by the idea of going to the scan, here's a quick summary of what you can expect based on my experience accompanying my wife to the Royal Sussex.

I'm sure you're already aware of the parking situation at the RS and, yes, it is bad. I've heard anecdotes from staff, patients and visitors that the hospital car park is often full by 8am, leaving little chance for casual visitors to be able to park (let alone nervous parents-to-be dashing to the hospital while labour begins).

For the 12-week scan, I decided to drive around the hospital to get my bearings and check out the roads nearby. Sure enough, there are plenty of spaces with parking meters within easy walking distance (easy while your partner is early on in her pregnancy, of course, but who knows what may happen once she's in labour – I intend to write a separate blog based on that experience once it has happened).

Unlike other departments at the Royal Sussex, the scan dept is very close to the main entrance on Eastern Road – a quick right turn, through a door and you're there. We had to wait about 10-15 minutes after our appointment time, which wasn't too bad (I have heard tales of 2hrs+ delays in London). During that time we were approached by a woman wanting to know if we would be interested in our baby's umbilical cord blood being tested and then our baby itself being tested a few months later for an asthma survey. As I suffer with asthma myself, we agreed to help the medical community with their research.

The Royal Sussex offered us a combined blood test and nuchal fold test at our 12-week scan, which is simply a measurement taken of the amount of fluid behind the neck of the baby (fetus). It's not at all uncomfortable for the Mum and you are usually given an indication of whether anything looks abnormal immediately.

At the 12-week scan you really get to see the baby clearly on the monitor, better than at the 20-week scan in my opinion. As it is still so tiny, you can really see it in its entirety, floating and dancing around and it is a magical experience.

The Royal Sussex staff were efficient and functional rather than friendly, maybe this is because scanning is so routine for them. Also, they probably want to be professional rather than chummy – if they were overly friendly, it might make bad news more difficult to give and receive. Not all parents-to-be are polite and friendly, too, as we saw clearly with an expectant mum in the waiting area who was swearing and stuffing a bag of Quavers and then a Mars bar in her toddler's mouth. It was 8.45am.

Same deal at the 20-week scan. Minor parking problems followed by efficient staff. This time we had decided to find out the gender of our baby. Dads, if this is what you decide to do, make sure you are prepared for the news. When we found out we were expecting a girl, I immediately began calling the blob on the monitor “he” and “him” – which was funny. I'm actually looking forward to having a girl, but for some Dads this news could be disappointing or shocking and you will have another 4-5months of pregnancy to live with it before the baby even arrives so make sure you are emotionally well-prepared.

The scans themselves are fun (as long as you are receiving good news) and not uncomfortable for your partner. The gel might feel a bit weird at first, I guess, but most women seem to be so used to covering themselves in various moisturisers and unguents that they probably won't bat an eyelid. When you first see your baby, expect a surge of joy at the realisation that your baby is not just a blue line on a stick but an actual living being with a tiny heartbeat!

One thing to be aware of is that even if there aren't delays to your original appointment, the baby may not be in a great position for the scanning staff to carry out their work properly. If this is the case, your partner may well be asked to get up and walk around for 15 minutes, up and down stairs, stand on her head etc. I've heard tales of some women having to do this a few times to get the baby in a scan-friendly position. In short, it might be worth booking a morning, afternoon or the whole day off work, to be on the safe side and save you stressing out if it looks as though you're gonna be late for work.

My main advice for parents who are to attend the 12-week scan of their growing baby is to talk a few things over first. Think about how you will feel and react if you receive some bad news from your scan. It was only on the way to the Royal Sussex that my wife and I had the chat about Down's Syndrome and other illnesses and what we would do if the scan showed something ominous. I feel I have to be honest here, and my first response to any potential news would have been that I didn't want it – that was not the life I had envisaged for myself. I recognise this is a selfish response but I honestly hadn't given it much thought and presumed that my wife would feel the same way.

She didn't.

This could have been a massive problem for us but the scans to date show that everything looks ok so we were always one step removed from bringing it to a head. That said, we did continue to discuss what might happen, just in case. Once we both saw the baby on the scan, wriggling and alive, there was no way either of us could have seriously contemplated any other outcome than raising that child. Both our minds were made up – we would have had the baby unless it was obvious that its quality of life would be seriously impaired.

That isn't to say we made the right choice or wrong choice, we just decided what was best for us. Whatever you decide, try and make sure you are both singing from the same hymn sheet before the first scan. Just in case.

Shopping Dad-style

I'm no sociologist, so I don't know if men shop in a different way to women or if it merely comes down to individuals. My attitude to preparing for our baby has been that we might as well get plenty of stuff while we still have two salaries; but that impulse has been mixed with the realisation that not everything needs to be new.

When friends or family have offered to give us, say, a pram, car seat and a Moses basket, we've accepted graciously. Second-hand goods seem to be more environmentally sound and of course save us money. Of the big ticket items, we've only bought a BabyBjorn sling (mainly so I can try and look cool on the seafront or while poncing around Hove) and a baby monitor.

Cliché and stereotype would have it that men are more interested in gadgets and equipment than women. In my case, this is only partly true, as illustrated by the aforementioned baby monitor, which I purchased only after conducting extensive research. I've not felt a particular urge to buy any other fancy gadgets (nappy disposal systems, Bugaboo, Babykeeper, KiddieKangaroo, jogging pram etc) but then, neither has my wife.

Is the need to exhaustively research everything a peculiarly male thing? I like to read around a subject, check what the experts say, research other people's feedback and look for the best price before making a purchase. My wife is not quite as investigative as this, but she has got so used to leaving this kind of thing to me that she never has to worry about it anyway. The monitor I plumped for was the Tomy TD350, by the way. It's digital, appears to do everything you need from a monitor and we had a £7 off voucher for Mothercare via their baby & me club.

Incidentally, what is it with Mothercare's please look after me range? I look at those and I wonder why a parent would buy something that is effectively putting words in their baby's mouth saying: "You're not doing a good enough job. I'm not being looked after properly. Please look after me. Don't hurt me!" Or maybe it's just me.

Another thing that could be a male trait or one of my own idionsyncrasies, is that I've found myself increasingly searching for baby clothes that are a little bit different from the high street. Not more expensive, just different. In the same way that I prefer to buy t-shirts from online shops that showcase original artwork on tees and innovative design rather than the same old stuff in Gap, Next, French Connection etc. At one of my favourite online shops, TeeFury, tees are $9 or £7. With delivery they cost £14 (this used to be £11 but currency fluctuations have worked against us Brits at the moment), which is reasonable for something original and less ubiquitous on British high streets.

When it comes to babywear, I've been searching for something similar. There's usually a market stall on the seafront near the old pier that sells cools babygrows with funky designs on, but that's still to make an appearance this year. I looked at Future Freak and, while I do like their stuff, it is too slogan-based for my liking and not particularly bold or artistic; it's more like the kind of tees you can buy in shops that do the decal right in front of you. Different and funny, for sure, but just the tiniest bit tacky too.

The best place I have found is Threadless, which has a range of babywear with striking artwork that is imaginative and unique. It doesn't only sell designs that are clearly intended for babies, which is a refreshing change from the usual slightly sickly sweet designs on the high street – in fact, much of the artwork on the babywear is the same as that available for adults. Moreover, it sells the same designs across babygrows, baby tees and baby hoodies.

I recently bought a few babygrows, including this delightful one entitled Fisherman's Find, which I think is gorgeous. I also like the Fake Pandas Have More Fun, Cookie Loves Milk, I'm Like a Bird, and Larry The Fox Doesn't Feel So Clever Anymore.

I didn't mean this to be an advert for Threadless, but when you find something you like it's hard not to get overly excited and want to tell other parents about it.

One Born Every Minute: Episode 5

One Born Every Minute is an interesting programme for expectant parents, fascinating and informative, of course; inspiring and moving too – but it might also be terrifying depending on how you and/or your partner is feeling towards your impending birth.

I hadn't seen previous episodes. Neither my seven months' pregnant wife nor I were that fussed to watch it. We thought it would be tabloid-scary, like reading all the Daily Mail's horror pregnancy stories in one go.

Instead, it was a subtle look at labour and birth and a valuable look at how one 'natural' birth progressed as well as how a caesarian works – something we haven't discussed in our antenatal classes yet.

For Dads in particular last night's episode offered us only one father-to-be, Ross, and...

...he was actually pretty good, despite only being a teenager himself. In fact I was impressed by his quiet support and positive attitude. He also wasn't afraid to have a little cry while his pregnant partner's mother was chatting to him about the baby. I hope that young Ross makes a good Dad.

Having missed previous episodes, I know that there have been some shocking Dads-to-be on the programme and I think a lot of that comes from not reading enough and not doing enough preparation. Maybe the Dads that were failing to support their partners in the right way did not attend an antenatal class. Also, men sometimes get embarrassed easily and can react in the wrong way.

Time will tell how I handle labour. But One Born Every Minute will at least help me to understand how some Dads-to-be cope, as well as continue my education as to what labour is all about.

I'll be tuning in next week.

Hove NCT antenatal classes

The NCT antenatal classes my wife and I are taking have been a massive eye-opener. At £139 per couple for 16 hours' worth of quality advice, it is a worthwhile expense if you can afford it. For me, it is proving an invaluable resource in my quest to find out as much as possible about the impending birth as well as a good place to meet other first-time parents.

All the other men seem to be intelligent, enthusiastic, warm, caring and keen to learn (indeed, I look forward to catching up with them as the weeks roll by and bumps produce babies). There is refreshingly little laddish banter and/or tiresome alpha male-posturing; instead there has been lots of honest chat and a general atmosphere of quiet enthusiasm mixed with a little trepidation.

The teacher has a good way of getting everyone involved and informing the group without scaring us or failing to provide us with enough information.

You're left with the idea that, while this experience will be unique, you are certainly not alone. And that there are no silly questions, that no fear is petty or irrelevant and that Dads are a huge part of the experience too.

Indeed, I've been impressed with how much the teacher has involved the men in our sessions and also how much emphasis she has placed on our role during labour.

The classes we have chosen take place in the barn under the windmill in Hove, which is a warm, interesting venue – it has a kitchen for tea and coffee so everyone is happy.

One slight drawback, of course, is that the classes require a time commitment. If, like me, you commute a fair distance to work (roughly two hours each way by the time you have walked to/from work and the train stations) it can be quite tiring leaping off a train and straight into two hours' worth of antenatal classes – twice a week! But, for me, this is a sacrifice worth making. Many others will work nearby and have plenty of time to digest a decent meal ahead of the class.

In short, I recommend NCT classes if you can afford them. I feel like I am learning invaluable skills that will help to make labour a smoother process for my wife. For me, if I can help make it even a teensy bit better for her through what I've learnt, it'll be money well spent.

Welcome

Welcome to the Brighton Dadblog – a place to document pregnancy, labour, birth and parenting from a local dad's perspective. It's written and maintained by me, a 35-year-old journalist, commuter and 'New Dad'!